Green Bay (-7.5) at NY Giants
The Great Willie Young and the devil himself Aaron Rodgers
are, of course, old war opponents in the Spirit Warrior clashes of yon. The
Great Willie Young hates the devil, at least this manifestation of its evil
ways, which he has had to fight as a warrior of light through these many eons
which are beyond our mortal comprehensions. And anyway, The Great Willie Young
told the river people to tell me that he watched that Irishman movie on the
Netflix and he said it was okay, he liked it well enough, especially Joe Pesci
who he says reminds him of Heinie, and anyway it felt like they didn’t even
really bother to use modern tech to de-age all
these old fuckers, which they said they did but to The Great Willie
Young it just looked liked they were all in their 60s for the most part, which
was a little weird when they were trying to pass DeNiro off in his twenties,
but Willie didn’t fucking care, let these old boys go out the way they want,
you know? It was a fitting Grand Finale for that crew, and it’s funny because
it was always rumored that Jimmy Hoffa’s body was buried in the endzone at the Giants
old stadium, but that, like so much else in those mob/union stories, is just
one of many alleged scenarios, and the Irishman one was just another one, but
it was one that The Great Willie Young liked more than most of the other ones,
and by the way, The Great Willie Young knows what happened to Jimmy Hoffa, but
The Great Willie Young is also not a snitch, unlike the Irishman in the
end. And anyway, the devil and Jimmy
Hoffa and the Irishman are all part of the same syndicate, but that’s another
story for another day, and today, it’s enough to know that that syndicate’s
power is more powerful than the weak assed NFL NY Giants.
Pick: Green Bay
Washington (+9) at Carolina
The Great Willie Young knows that Washington is in rough
shape these days, no Sprit Warrior Energy anywhere in the MAGA motherfucker’s
pink ass regime. These days, The Great Willie Young is too busy taking out fake
Spirit Warriors like Kid Rock and Ted Nugent to even get to spend any time
fishing which is really the only thing the Great Willie Young wants to do as he
grows older and thinks of his dad, the Cheetah God, and how much his old man
broke his ass for the white man. And there is no one whiter than that
motherfucker Daniel Snyder, who destroyed the American Football Love of both Raven
Mack, patron saint of Armchair Linebacker and our boy Paul who these days is
more into Scottish football and also mean women sitting on his face with their
fat asses. Cam Newton still is lost for
Carolina, but Christian McCaffrey is not and don’t let the False Good Feelings
of beating the lowly Lions get to you Redacteds because you are still a shitty
team, and The Great Willie Young wants nothing to do with you.
Pick: Carolina
San Francisco (+4.5) at Baltimore
This might be a Super Bowl preview, but then again probably
not because The Great Willie Young has been called on by the Special Forces
Spirit Warrior Division to try to get on top of these wildfires which are just
savaging California, particularly in the Bay Area where the power company is cutting people’s power because they’re too
scared of the wild fires and this is a real ass thing that is happening in your
world right now. This is not the future that we have been terrified by, it is
the future NOW happening, it’s too fucking late and it will all end up being
the doom of our species if The Great Willie Young can’t get on top of this. He
is our Last Best Hope, not that we deserve it, but The Great Willie Young likes
this planet earth, especially the fat asses that grow on it, and he’ll be
damned if some wildfire, probably started by the devil himself, is gonna be the
end times. He also knows that Lamar
Jackson has ascended the Spirit Warrior jungle fire ladder faster than anyone
else in recent memory, and so he has no choice but to give his blessings to Lamar
Jackson and his official Team Of The People 2019 Baltimore Ravens, who are
doing it for the Spirit Warrior in all of us.
Pick: Baltimore
Tennessee (+3.5) at Indianapolis
The Great Willie Young has left many a motel ruined for the
next passersby in Southern Indiana, and he likes to check in to see how his alleged
prodigal spawn are doing from time to time and he’s not happy because he sees
in Indiana and Tennessee the roots of the ugly pink people spewing their racist
ugly ass views all over the goddamn place and he knows this is where the real
wall needs to be built, around these cracker ass motherfuckers who don don’t
have a brain in the bunch. Just a whole sea of waterheaded idiots too stupid to
die right and too mean to even consider dying in the first place. They’re
everywhere friends and it is awful, and The Great Willie Young knows this,
which is why he has abandoned the peoples of Tennessee and Indiana until they can
get their shit together, which they never will, but hey fuck ‘em, The Great
Willie Young doesn’t need their kind, doesn’t want their kind, doesn’t have one
breath for their kind. This sucks because trapped in these outhouses of states
are fine Juggalo types, too scared to get involved with The Discourse, and if
someone could just get The Great Willie Young to come talk to these people, things
might stand a chance of going okay. But he is a stubborn man, which I know from
my own dealings with him through the years, almost all of which has left me
financially imperiled for some reason that The Great Willie Young won’t let me
know. But he has his reasons, I’m sure, and he also has his reasons for just
flooding these two states this weekend instead of watching them play a football
game.
Pick: Indianapolis
Philadelphia (-7.5) at Miami
The Great Willie Young hasn’t slept in days, he has made so many
Poor Choices in the past few days that he barely knows what day it is most of
the time and also he has a goddamn tummy ache, so he’s just going to try to
power through as he has done through the eons and bring you the good word. But
there is little good to be found here, in this matchup between two teams and
cities that have brought only ugliness to the world for the most part with the
exception of Cubana asses on Miami beaches. And so The Great Willie Young says
fuck both these teams, he will see them in Valhalla.
Pick: Philadelphia
Oakland (+8.5) at Kansas City
The Great Willie Young is sad to see the Raiders reduced to
this carpetbagging enterprise who will get the NFL officially entangled in the
Vegas world that was always the NFL’s and America’s cheap rotten destiny. But
fuck all that, because the NFL has basically been a franchise of the Las Vegas
way through the years, just ugly and merciless as it shakes everyone down for
all of the goddamn money. But there are no outlaw teams these days. The Great
Willie Young knows this, and so all he can do is demand that the Kansas City
Chiefs, with their show pony cocksman quarterback Patrick Mahomes, blow these
false Oakland Raiders away one last time.
Pick: Kansas City
Tampa Bay (+4.5) at Jacksonville
Pick: The Great Willie Young Catfishing with Fred Durst
NY Jets (+3) at Cincinnati
The Great Willie Young really really wants you to know that
his guts are exploding on him Alien café style which means that he probably needs
to pick up some more fish penicillin from Heinie’s dealer, but anyway if he
races through the rest of this you know damn good and why. The Great Willie Young also doesn’t have any
time for any of these two shitty teams, who are basically playing a retard duel
for the top draft pick. In retard duels, no one wins, so be very careful here.
Pick: Cincinnati (?)
LA Rams (-3.5) at Arizona
The Great Willie Young sees a lot of good things in young
Kyler Murray, but this isn’t his time yet, which The Great Willie Young knows
as he has seen the beginning and the end and all points in between. The Great
Willie Young would like to sit down with Kyler Murray in the desert, maybe do
some peyote and learn the real mysteries of the young man’s mind. But until
then, it’s a safe bet to role with the Rams here who are getting pretty disrespected
by this line. I mean, yeah, it hasn’t gone that well for them this season but
come on, it’s the fucking Cardinals. The Great Willie Young once fucked a ram.
He doesn’t like to talk about it because what goes on between bros is their
business. But he did say he admired the Ram’s power, whatever that meant in
their psychosexual games I don’t know.
Pick: LA Rams
LA Chargers (+1.5) at Denver
The Great Willie Young found a young boy bleeding in the
concrete LA River and when he stopped to help him he asked if he liked the
Chargers. The boy said no one he knows even knows the Chargers exist, which is
pretty sad for Phillip Rivers and his gang of failed malcontents. Well, I mean
they might be successful in their malcontenting but yeah failures everywhere
else. That little bleeding boy soon began to vomit up a disgusting substance
before literally melting into the concrete. “Damn, they stole another one” The
Great Willie Young said but he didn’t press the matter much because it was
sadly a lost cause and he had better things to do in Denver than watch the
Broncos play football, like hitting the world’s largest bong made from the
ashes of Hunter S. Thompson. Hey hey, smoke weed everyday.
Pick: Denver
Cleveland (+3) at Pittsburgh
The Great Willie Young doesn’t have time for any soft ass dudes
hitting each other with helmets and all that shit, and it’s hard sell to get
The Great Willie Young to back any white boy quarterback these days, but I have
implored him to look into the case of poor Baker Mayfield, who has a Spirit
Warrior’s heart in a damned age. Across the ball, he sees another true Spirit
Warrior in Devin Bush, who will try to ruin the Spirit Warrior energies of
Baker Mayfield. This is an intense duel in high level Spirit Warrioring and I
can only hope that somehow they join forces and run the rest of these assholes off
the field together. This will never happen for legal reasons but the law is a
bitch and The Great Willie Young knows that better than most. I managed to get
some face time with The Great Willie Young recently and I asked him who he
thought would win this game and he just looked at me and shook his head and
then he took me fishing. He didn’t say much while we were engaged in that most
zen of activities but it didn’t matter and he even let me ride a mermaid before
we parted ways as friends as always.
Pick: Cleveland
New England (-4.5) at Houston
Look you sons of bitches, just know I had a crazy Tom Brady
meets The Great Willie Young story for you before my guts exploded on me and I’ll
promise to do that one up at a later special date, okay? Okay.
Pick: New England
Minnesota (+3) at Seattle
The Great Willie Young hates Kirk Cousins, that fake ass good
Christian White Boy who has only rotten shit where his heart should be. And The
Great Willie Young digs Russell Wilson for being everything Kirk Cousins isn’t,
and also The Great Willie Young is about to burst with bile and Poor Choices
consequences so take the Seahawks and fuck Kirk Cousins.
Pick: Seattle
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