Trapped in a Loveless Marriage

It is the last week of the season, so I figured I should at least try to cobble together some thoughts about this accursed team as they offer their soft places to the Green Bay Packers one more time. It sucks, not just the always sucking that goes along with being a Lions fan, that not only is this game doomed and meaningless but that we know that the Fords are locked into this whole Quinn/Patricia Evil Nightmare that we find ourselves in, and none of these fuckers will be going away.

I don’t know what to do. I am a Lions fan. I always will be. I have to be. It has just always been there. But I do not love them. This is a loveless marriage, a mean and terrible thing. Why do we stay together? Well, fucked up people tend to cling to other fucked up people because the alternative, that empty loneliness, is too much to face.

Would I be lonely if I disowned the Lions completely? As an NFL “fan” which means I barely tolerate this fucking thing, I don’t know. The Browns are always there to fall back on, but it wouldn’t be the same, and it wouldn’t feel good either because honestly this is just such a wretched league, this NFL, a corporate leviathan that has attached itself to the New Americanism I have touched on in the past, an ugly grotesque thing that just swallows up anybody in the way of that big money empire, a monstrosity that exploits and brutalizes its players more than any sporting league that has ever existed save perhaps for those old gladiator games where fucking slaves and shit fought and killed each other for nothing. I despise the NFL and everything about it, and yet I can’t turn away because I love football, I really do. I know a lot of people, such as my boys Raven Mack and Paul, have completely disowned the game of American football, but I just can’t. It is still burned into me and I don’t think I could ever give it up.

Take that desperate and unhealthy thing and couple it with the hideous loveless train wreck of a marriage that is my relationship with the Detroit Lions and you can start to understand why this place is so fucking dark and despicable year after year. Writing about it is the only way I can cope with it.

And so here I am, all set to watch the Lions roll up and die yet again to cap off another miserable season, and it is just so shitty. The good thing is that I have pretty much divested myself of any real feelings for this team and now I just sit here, in this loveless marriage, and I watch the whole thing crumble about me and there is nothing I can do but I don’t really care either.

The Lions have fucked up another season of NFL football for me, and they will continue to fuck it up as long as they stay attached to these Poor Choices that they make that manifest themselves in a fake tough guy waving a baseball bat in the locker room and a fat piece of shit probable rapist whose disdain for the fans and the media is a reflection of his own miserable existence on this planet. Fuck him and fuck all of them.

I do not like these people at all. I was going to say that I hate them, but hate is such a strong word, a word tied up in love more than anything and I do not love these pieces of shit. I abhor them, but I do not hate them because I would have had to loved them first.

This is all so dark and fucked up, and yet, what else is there to say as we wait to take it one more time from the devil himself to close out another insipid year of Lions football? I have nothing good to say about this team. There are a handful of players I like, but they are very few, and can in no way make up for the overwhelming avalanche of awful feelings I have for the rest.  I despise this thing, this being a Lions fan, so fucking much and yet I am too much of a coward to just let it go, and in a fucked up way, it’s not even about being a fan of them anymore so much as it gives me an outlet to write from, and I know you sad idiots like to read my shit for whatever reason.

This means that I am doomed to continue on, trapped in this loveless marriage, in this hideous fan life that I did not want for myself and would not wish on anyone. It is hard to keep doing this week after week, year after year, and it’s made even harder by thus particular crew of shitheads who have ruined this team in a way even more depressing than the Millen years to me. At least he wasn’t evil. He was just a buffoon.

I despise this team, not so much the players as just the whole fucking organization, and while I should take pride in Lions fans being some of the most loyal people around, filling that stadium up no matter how shitty the team is year after year, I don’t. Instead, I blame them for propping this whole fucking ugly thing up. I blame myself for not having the guts to just walk out that door and never come back no matter how much I love the kids, which are you sad idiots reading this and following me and trusting me all these years. I am here for you more than anything at this point, certainly more than for me, and I don’t begrudge you for it because I love writing to you guys, I really do. I just wish it didn’t have to be about this fucking football team.

And so, with that said, let’s close out this season the way we have closed out so many, by watching the Lions humiliate themselves at the feet of the goddamn devil himself. I don’t like any of it and I know you don’t, but at least we’ll always have each other because you are never getting rid of me, I am here to stay because I love you and I love that I am a wretched thing in your life that you can never make go away. So, here is to one more season of Failure and Contempt and I will see you all on the other side.

Packers 27 Lions 21