Evil

Matt Millen was a buffoon. But he wasn’t evil. Wayne Fontes was a buffoon. Still, he wasn’t evil. Jim Caldwell? Buffoon. Yet, still not evil. Jim Schwartz? A Jackass and a buffoon, but not evil. But these motherfuckers now are buffoons and they are evil. Matt Patricia is a fat piece of shit who almost certainly raped someone. Bob Quinn is a Patriot Way loving fake tough guy who stalks the locker room with a baseball bat like Crazy Joe Clark living off the fumes of the jet trail left behind by Tom Brady. He is not a man who helped build the Patriots dynasty. He was basically the fucking janitor. And now he has adopted that sociopathic way of doing things and sublet all of that into the disgusting arms of that fat piece of shit Matt Patricia, and it’s all just so ugly and evil and gross and I want these motherfuckers shot out of a cannon immediately over the Detroit River into Canada.

Yes, it has come to that. I hate these fuckers. They are buffoons and they are evil, which is the worst of all worlds. They have hijacked my own misery and injected their vile evilness into it, and I’m not having any of that shit. My relationship with the Lions is one of endless misery and suffering but it has never been evil, and now these fucking gargoyles are making me live this worst of all worlds scenario and fuck them forever.

It’s hard enough being a fan of the Detroit Lions. It’s hard enough watching your heroes be broken and quit because it’s all just too much to bear. It’s hard enough knowing that the best quarterback we have ever had is being run down and it won’t be long before he is just another body sent to the glue factory. It’s hard enough watching all of this, knowing all of this, living all of this, tangled up in our collective history, this horror show that goes back more than 60 years now of futility and frustration with only one goddamn playoff win to show for any of it.  It’s hard enough dealing with all of that, and now I also have to sit here and put up with these vile evil fuckers along side all of it. It’s just too fucking much and I demand an immediate cleansing.

I won’t get one, and these fuckers will probably survive into next year because they are the ones with all the power and Old Lady Ford doesn’t have a fucking clue, and she’s too busy sucking on gin and holding bible study with her sycophants and thumbing through the OG Ford’s diaries which are riven with Nazi sympathies and it’s all too much evil to bear.

This whole organization needs a cleansing. Just go in there and scrub all these evil fuckers out and start over. Sell the team to someone who isn’t an evil piece of shit. I don’t even know who that would be given the billionaire class whose foundation is rooted in evil. Anyone who could afford to buy this team is going to be involved in some evil.

Still, there has to be someone out there who at least feels guilty about their complicity with evil who can rescue this franchise from the hellmouth that has been the last 60 plus years.  There has to be somebody who can finally wash away all the ugly bullshit that surrounds this team like a shit cloud constantly threatening to rain shit water all over all of us. There has to be somebody who cares, somebody rich enough to deal with all the evil bullshit and give us a team worth loving and worth rooting for.

I don’t even give a shit about the Redacteds beating the Lions this past weekend. I don’t care that the Lions have led in every game this season and yet are on their way to another draft pick in the top ten with double digit losses looming in the record books. This is a shitty team of buffoons, the same goddamn story we’ve had to read time and again over these past 60 years, but they’re also a shitty team of evil buffoons and that is just too goddamn much for any of us to have to put up with.

Like I said, I won’t get the cleansing that I demand because nobody gives a shit. And that sucks. That means that I’m tied to this evil shit heap of buffoons because I was pooped out in this goddamn place where these goddamn loyalties are too tough to shake. And so I have to just eat shit just like the rest of you and ask for more and it’s all so goddamn horrible. This is the worst I have ever felt about being a fan of the Detroit Lions, and that is an amazing thing to say given the incredible amount of suffering we’ve had to endure over these many mind numbing years here in hell.

I don’t know what you want from me. I don’t know what to tell you. All I know is that I hate being a fan of the Detroit Lions right now, more than ever before. And that’s so much worse than just being a fan of a bad football team that I can still love as my own, you know? I can stand the losing. I mean, I’ve had to stand it my whole life as a fan of the Detroit Lions. But I can’t stand the evil shit. I can’t stand the Matt Patricias and the Bob Quinns. I can’t stand that shit and I shouldn’t have to. So fuck them, and fuck me for still letting myself get dragged by this hideous beast of a team. I don’t know when it will get better or if it ever even will get better at all, and yet here I sit, writing this goddamn gibberish again, a slave to my own idiot loyalties, complicit in evil and hating myself for it all. Fuck this team. Fuck you and fuck me, we don’t deserve this, but we do because we can’t let go, and so all that’s left to say is that I will see you all in hell. Fuck it all.