This Is It

If you could capture the infinitesimal *thing* that is the hideous story of the Detroit Lions, it would be captured in that game last night, as a football went through the uprights at Lambeau, encapsulating every horrible thing that has happened to this team, to us. Every Failure Demon was summoned by the goddamn devil, and someone should take a snapshot of that moment, that moment of pure heinous suffering, the outrage of it all, and mount it on our collective tombstone as an explanation for how we lived and died.

I mean, what the fuck was that shit? Poor Trey Flowers should be allowed to fuck the ref’s wife, give her children, anything to erase the stain of whoever the fuck was on the take on that crew. Fuck it. This shit is crooked and fucked.

I don’t have anything to offer other than these hellfire words, but for that to have happened like it did, in the den of the goddamn devil himself, is just so amazingly ridiculous that I barely have the capacity to describe it correctly. This was an outrage that is so naked, so easy to see, that it becomes a *thing*, almost a work of art, the Detroit Lions for all the world to see, naked and ashamed, fucked and abandoned.

This will all end up adding to the ridiculous legend of this haunted team, and it’s just so amazing that we all knew it would end up like this. Like, if you were to explain to someone what being a fan of the Detroit Lions is like, you would replay this goddamn fiasco on their eyeballs, imprinted forever, a carnival of ridiculous pain.

Barry Sanders even got upset. They broke Barry Sanders again! It is a struggle to put into words just how monstrously perfect this was a representation of every goddamn thing that we have felt about this team. It simply exists to remind us that yes, this is hell.

I don’t have the capacity to explain what this whole fucking thing is. It’s too monstrous. Too perfect. I mean, shit, this buttfuckery was a goddamn work of art. This was some Failure Demon’s thesis. This is what it looks like to be utterly doomed, abandoned. We have been played by devils.

I don’t even know what to say about it. I just want to point at it like an ape discovering fire. This is the essence of Lions Disease. This is its root form. Horrible. Horrible.

I don’t have anything else to say. This is art beyond my powers. This is a singular will of mischief and fuckery that will take my sanity. This was the perfect Detroit Lions football game.