Top 5 Lions Draft Steals

Okay, friendos, as promised, I have shamelessly stolen our very own Kevin's idea of coming up with the Top 5 Lions Draft Busts and the Top 5 Lions Draft Steals. I will start with the steals because I am an optimist and it's important to revel in the good every once in a while before diving into the muck of the bad, which I will do tomorrow. The memory of the good can sustain us while writhing around in the sewers, trying to avoid all the rats and shit dragons. The bad news here, unfortunately, is that in attempting to come up with some good stuff to revel in, I discovered what amounts to a piece of week old bread and a glass of dirty water. Those weren't exactly the memories I was looking for to sustain me for my trek through the marshes of the wicked, but what the hell, I am a Lions fan and I am used to disappointment.

And really, I knew that coming into this. I knew that the busts list would grossly outnumber the steals list. I may be an optimist but I am not an idiot, you know? I just wasn't prepared for it to be this lopsided is all. Seriously, this is kind of depressing. In a way, this list makes me even sadder than the busts list. I'm not even joking. The fact that these were the best dudes I could come up with makes me want to wander into the woods down by the sand dunes and wait for the spirits of the Pottawatomie Indians to come drag me back through time into a place where none of this nonsense had yet to take place. Oh, the horror of it all. Anyway, enough weirdness, let's just get on with this asinine list. Oh, I should also probably mention that this is only going to cover the past 20 years because - well, why not? Sure, it's arbitrary, but so is life.

5. Willie Green - WR - 8th Round - 194 Overall - 1990

Yeah. That's how bad this shit is. I told you, didn't I? Anyway, Green was an 8th round pick. For perspective purposes, the 8th round doesn't even exist anymore, so if this happened today, Green would be the equivalent of an undrafted free agent. And for what amounts to a dude basically pulled in off the street, Green had himself a nice little career.

Of course, only the first three seasons of that career were spent with the Lions, but fuck it, pickings are slim here. Green actually was a starting wide receiver as a rookie and caught 39 passes for 592 yards and 7 TD's in that magical 1991 season that saw the Lions advance to the NFC Title Game. Not a bad start. Not great, but come on, the dude was an 8th round draft pick. I am guessing that the majority of 8th round draft picks in NFL history either ended up as garbage men or fighting in death matches in Thailand in between bouts of drunken whoring. So, in those terms, Green had a pretty damn successful rookie season. He remained a starter for most of the 1992 season, and his numbers were close to the same as the 1991 season. He then hit the bench for the majority of the 1993 season, saw his numbers drop a bit and that was it for him as a Detroit Lion.

Green later found new life with the expansion Carolina Panthers, where he put up the best numbers of his career, but that is irrelevant to our interests. I only bring it up to illustrate the fact that for an 8th rounder, Willie Green had a pretty damn good career. Unfortunately for us, that still shouldn't qualify him as a steal. But this is what the vagaries of fate have left for us on our doorstep and all we can do is nurture this sad little bastard child and call it our own. Well, I suppose we could flush it down the toilet, but we are above such nonsense, and besides, we are clearly barren and beggars can't be choosers, you know?

4. Tony Semple - 5 - 154 - 1994

Oh for fuck's sake . . . look, I made this stupid list and even I just recoiled upon reading that. And I knew it was coming! I can't imagine the disgust you must feeling right now. But really, yes, Tony Semple makes this list. Isn't that just abominable?

Anyway, Semple played eight years for the Lions, and was an occasional starter at left guard for them. Over the last four years of his career, he was basically the de facto starting left guard, the best blob of shit we could find to man the position haunted by Erik Andolsek's ghost.

Tony Semple is the embodiment of the left guard position for the Lions. Everything you need to know about that position is explained by his career. Tony Semple wasn't a good football player. But he lasted EIGHT YEARS with the Lions because they didn't have anyone else. Good Lord. Let's just move on before I start to howl like Sloth from Goonies or Chewbacca and have to be restrained.

3. Willie Clay - 8 - 221 - 1992

Clay, like the other Willie, the wide receiver Green, was an 8th round pick. And like Green, he had a nice little career. And furthering the uncanny similarity with his namesake, Clay only lasted a few years in Detroit before getting the fuck out of town.

Clay managed to start at strong safety for the Lions in both the 1994 and the 1995 seasons, and he was a pretty decent player. In fact, in 1995, Clay picked off 8 passes and led the league in interception return yardage, for whatever the hell that irrelevant little stat is worth.

Willie Clay didn't have a great career with the Lions, but what the hell, it was good enough, and certainly good enough to solidly make this list. We could have done with a lot more Willie Clays in our life and a lot less of the dudes who will be on tomorrow's list. That's just about all there is to say here. By the way, I literally just shrugged.

2. Cory Schlesinger - 6 - 192 - 1995

Hey! Cory Schlesinger! It's no surprise that Schlesinger made this list. After all, he kinda seems like the personification of this sort of thing, right? A player long on guts and heart and David Eckstein Scrappy-Doo White Man grit, and short on natural talent, Schlesinger is the epitome of that player who everyone loves a little too much. He's the dude that every redneck father wants their son to grow up to be. He's the picture of an old school football player, that Middle-American everyman who can keep the evils of the secular hippie world at bay. He's the love child of Vince Lombardi and Tom Landry, a man borne of spit, hard work and gumption, raised up out of the primordial ooze of the American spirit, shaped by the hot sun in a mid-western cornfield and let loose onto the world like Clark Kent marching proudly out of Smallville. To a lot of people, someone like Cory Schlesinger is America. I don't want to get into a political and cultural pissing match, and so I'll just leave it at that, and all I'll say is it's no surprise then that Schlesinger was much beloved while he was with the Lions.

And all that is not to say that he was a bad player. Not by any means. Schlesinger was a classic fullback, a hit you in the mouth ass whipper who was among the better fullbacks in the league for a long time. Unlike a lot of our heroes, Schlesinger wasn't cowed or broken by Lions Disease, and he didn't flee for greener pastures. Instead, he stood and he fought the good fight until his body betrayed him, and he retired, a dozen years after he was drafted in the 6th round, having never taken a snap for a team other than the Detroit Lions. So, yeah, he makes the list.

1. Stephen Boyd - 5 - 141 - 1995

It would appear that the 1995 Draft was pretty damn good for the Lions. In addition to Schlesinger and first round pick Luther Elliss, the Lions picked up Stephen Boyd in the fifth round. Boyd was never supposed to be anything more than a hard working body to throw into the mix, a player similar to Schlesinger in both the good ways and in the annoying cultural ways.

Boyd was undersized and undertalented, but he was smart and he was willing to smack someone in the mouth. Aside from that, he wore that grit label that makes sportswriters pant and sweat, and so, like Schlesinger, he was destined to be a fan favorite from the moment it became apparent that he was more than just another body, more than just grist for the mill.

But Boyd deserved a lot of that praise. When Chris Spielman made his goodbyes, he left a gigantic hole in the middle of the football field. Somehow, someway, Boyd filled that hole admirably, fighting hard in the dying light of the Barry Sanders era, keeping the Lions from falling into the abyss which was calling their name from the moment Barry tearfully fled town. Boyd stood on the brink of chaos, on the edge of utter collapse and he kept fighting. He stood as a beacon of light in a world that was fading, someone who we could all rally around in our time of great need. He would fall before too long and the darkness would rush in, overwhelm everything, and leave us gasping for whatever little air was left in this choked out, ugly mess of a world, but while he stood and while he fought, he was noble and he was proud, and he didn't let the dark fate that hung like an inevitable cloud deter him from being a champion in his heart and a final proud knight in a kingdom that was no more.

Boyd was a hell of a player, a Pro Bowl selection who took up the standard of Spielman and rode hard into the heart of darkness and for that, he'll always have the admiration and respect of Lions fans everywhere. Injuries finally dropped him, shy of his 30th birthday, and when he fell, so did the Lions. Boyd is an important player in our history. I have come to realize that, and I'm not sure if many other people really get that. He was the last guard before the gates of hell, the last one separating us from the doom that lay before us. Not bad for a fifth round draft pick. And that's why he's number one on this list.