Not Yet. Please?

For the last couple of seasons I have been waiting for Jason Hanson to break down and for his leg to turn into dust, but he just never seems to deteriorate. Season after season, he trots onto the field like some sort of kicking Terminator, rarely missing, always reliable. It feels like he's been the kicker for 118 years and I half expect to see Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod show up with a katana and attack Hanson week after week. There can be only one after all.

Okay, that is two kinda nerdy movie references in one paragraph. Whatever, Terminator, Highlander, who cares, the point, dudes and lady dudes, is that Jason Hanson is old. And somehow, someway, he has managed to ward off the ravages of time and keep kicking well into his golden years. You would think that a man who won the Medal of Freedom after Antietam would be content to live out the rest of his days in peace and harmony. But, no, not Jason. That son of a bitch apparently can't get enough of the horrors of war, because he comes back, season after season, and keeps robotically kicking even as his fellow soldiers fall dead and bloody behind him. Maybe the reason why he is able to keep going year after year is because he is a vampire, and he feeds off the corpses of all those poor Lions who are destroyed in the hell mouth of Detroit football. Such a monster.

Alright, Jesus, every time I try to steer this into a coherent direction, I end up veering into the land of the strange and the absurd. Terminators, Highlanders, Vampires, Civil War Vets, does it ever stop? I am almost positive that I will make a reference to the Holy Grail and everlasting life before this is over, and I apologize in advance, but I suppose I am just trying to put off talking about the terrible and depressing reality that spurred this post in the first place, which is that Jason Hanson might finally be getting . . . old?

Sure, sure, he's old in terms of age. We knew that already - witness all of the above supergibberish - but for the first time he actually looks old. So far this season, Hanson hasn't been quite as consistent as he's been in the past, missing some field goals that he would normally make underwater in his sleep wrapped in chains. Why he would be underwater, asleep wrapped in chains is a mystery, but these are strange and terrible times, and these things happen. Maybe he crossed Ernie Sims' monkey in a poker game and I have said it before, you don't want to cross that mean little son of a bitch.

Okay, okay, I will get back to the main point. It's just that, well, this is hard. Jason Hanson has been the one constant, the one good thing, that we've had as Lions fans for a long, long time. He's the only one of our heroes who has never failed us, who has never flamed out or had a tragic end. So it's been hard to see him struggle a little bit and even harder to contemplate what comes after him. We have learned to tolerate and even accept mediocrity everywhere else, and it is horrible to think that we may have to do it here too. Sure, it's only the kicker, but desperate men must take desperate heroes, and there are no men more desperate than Lions fans. He's all we've had for a long, long time and our adoration of him is a testament to both the sad putrescence of Lions football and to the ability of Lions fans to always find something - anything - to hold onto while the rest of our football world goes to hell.

Sadly, against the Bengals, we got another sign that the Immortal Hanson might be a mere human being after all. For the first time that I can remember, Hanson actually left a kick short. Sure, it was on a 55 yard field goal attempt and it still managed to reach the crossbar, but this has never, ever been an issue with Hanson. This is a dude who has almost unlimited range, a dude who has kicked more 50+ yard field goals than anyone in NFL history. When he does miss, it's always wide, never short. It was kind of a sad moment and it just reminded me that the end will be near sooner rather than later for my man Hanson.

We've been through a lot as Lions fans. We've seen a lot of failure, and felt a lot of pain. We've had very little to hold onto and be genuinely proud of. Jason Hanson is one of those rare things. He's never really gotten a chance to be a money kicker, because really, the Lions have never really been in too many clutch situations, but I think that Jason Hanson is the best kicker of my lifetime. There have been others who have put up higher point totals - think Morten Andersen or Gary Anderson - and there have been others who have delved deeper into the public consciousness thanks to big, unforgettable moments - think Adam Vinatieri - but in my mind, Jason Hanson has been better than all of them. In many ways, he's my favorite Detroit Lion. Sure, I rave about the potential of Matthew Stafford, marvel at the gifts of Calvin Johnson and gibber like a fool about Ernie Sims and his monkey, but Jason Hanson is the only character in the absurd story of the Detroit Lions in my lifetime who hasn't seemed like he was part of the circus. He's the professional, the one dude we never had to worry about. Even Barry Sanders was sucked into the idiot machine that is the Detroit Lions. Even he was tainted by the failure, broken and beaten by it. Jason Hanson wasn't - he isn't - and every time he runs onto the field, it's a unique experience, because it's the only time that we as Lions fans are allowed to feel like, for once, we've got the dude in charge.

Okay, I didn't mean for this to turn into a eulogy for Hanson. It is kind of macabre. I mean, the dude is still out there, still playing, and still very, very good at what he does. I just fear that the days of him being Terminator Hanson might be at an end, and now when he runs out onto the field, that overwhelming sense of confidence and inner peace that he provides will no longer be there.

This post was originally going to be broken up into sections, like I usually do this time every week, where I would discuss several random thoughts from the previous game or things that were going on in the Lions universe. But it just sort of grew from there, and now I just want to let it stand as its own post about Jason Hanson. He's been the man here for a long, long time, and you may say he's only the kicker, but he's our kicker, and when he's gone, I'm honestly going to miss him. Unless of course he gets his hand on the Holy Grail and obtains everlasting life. In which case, well, play forever, noble prince, you'll always be my kicker.