0-15

What is there left to say after something like what happened to the Lions on Sunday? That beat down by the Saints was epic in its totality and left Lions fans wondering how in the fuck they managed to find yet another circle of hell for us. Nine levels of hell? Whatever. Dante was full of shit. Lions fans know that there are infinite levels, and every week we meet a more ridiculous and grisly fate than the week before.

This week it was the never ending horror show of Drew Brees throwing and throwing and throwing in his bid to topple Dan Marino's single season yardage record, and JESUS CHRIST. Not only did the Lions fail to stop Brees, they apparently forgot that they were allowed to score too and ended up looking like the worst team in the NFL on both sides of the ball, which is probably appropriate considering the circumstances. I mean, why even bother to maintain a shred of hope going into next year? Just limp forward into your infamous fate and let everyone know that it was no accident. Everything sucks right now. Even when the Lions did something right, like on the touchdown strike to Calvin Johnson early in the game, it was called back because dumb shit Gosder Cherilus lined up wrong. I mean, what the fuck? Really? Even my man Lennie Small doesn't do that.

Honestly, the best part about the game, and by the best I of course mean the most ridiculous, was the crowd chanting Joey Harrington's name. Joey is now a third string quarterback for the Saints, but there is nothing more telling than how horrendous this season has been than that scene on Sunday. Jesus, it has gotten to the point where the Joey Harrington days seem like a golden age we remember with wistful fondness. How fucked up is that? Ah, the 5-11 days of yore, how we miss you. Someone find me an oven where I can rest my head.

Of course, everyone is all in a rage this week because some asshole reporter asked Rod Marinelli if he wished his daughter had married a better defensive coordinator. Outrageous! Yeah, not really. I mean, who cares? Yeah, the dude is kind of a dick, and no one likes him, he is a known horrible reporter, etc., but everyone seems to be forgetting that Joe Barry is a shitty defensive coordinator and everyone thought it was bullshit when he was hired since he is Marinelli's son in law. But good heavens! That rogue questioned the integrity of the right honorable Rod Marinelli! Who cares? I don't give a fuck if my team is coached by Attila the Hun so long as they win. I've never understood this need to fawn over the moral integrity of a stranger who makes his living screaming at sweaty men and old dudes who make extra money on the weekend by reffing. I don't know, maybe it was because I grew up worshipping Bill Laimbeer, Isiah Thomas, Rick Mahorn and Dennis Rodman. It could be that my experiences in this arena have warped me and left me callous to the travails of a profoundly decent man. And I'm sure he is, everyone loves him, and good for him, but he's a shitty football coach and really that's all I care about here.

Ford Field seems like the world's largest morgue this week. All the players look like they are on the verge of crying and vomiting all over the locker room, Marinelli seems like he is just exhausted, and there is the distinct air of impending doom hanging over the whole affair, like everyone expects and knows that imminent death awaits. The end is coming. We have known this for a while, but holy shit it is here now and it is fucking nasty and no one knew it would be like this. It is a strange and awful mix of desperation, sorrow and outright terror. The players know what's coming and they know that a week from now they'll be the worst team in NFL history and everyone will know it until they are old and gray. No matter what they do for the rest of their careers this season will hang over their heads, haunting them. Nothing they do will ever be able to erase that and that fucking sucks. And it's not that different for the fans either. No matter what this team does in the future, everyone will always remember that they went 0-16, and that stink of failure is not something that goes away. We have suffered through a lot as Lions fans, and we are tough as hell when it comes to this kind of shit, but this...this apocalyptic nightmare is something else entirely and you have no idea how terrible it is to be here. My franchise, the one that I tell people I love, is less than a week away from being forever tainted. It is a horrible thing. A horrible thing. And the worst part is that none of us know how awful it will even feel when it finally happens. As bad as it feels right now, it is probably nothing compared to how awful it will be after next week. My very first post on this blog was titled "Welcome to Hell". Well, here we are.