Shit's About to Get Dumb

What went wrong on Sunday? Everything. The offense was horrible, the defense was even worse, and there was even a blocked field goal in there just to make sure everyone knew that the Lions failure was total and team wide. From the second pass of the game by Daunte Culpepper, which resulted in an interception, to the Jags basically giving up in the fourth quarter, when they essentially decided to shower the Lions with pity instead of running the score up, it was clear that the Lions are still a long, long way from being truly competitive, a problem when you have yet to win a game and there are only seven left in the season.

So, all that's left is for me to ask the same goddamn question I've asked after every game in this horror show of a season: where do we go from here? It's clear that the Lions have hit the point where they are throwing everything against the wall and seeing what sticks. I mean, who else but a desperate madman would throw Daunte Culpepper out on the field after only three days of practice following an extended layoff due to his retirement? It's kind of astounding that he didn't pass out at halftime. About the only thing he could do was chuck it deep which worked one time on a bomb to Calvin Johnson which led to the Lions first score of the game, but that was it. He couldn't even manage little screen passes, or little roll out dump offs. His timing with the receivers was non-existent and it was clear that he was nowhere near ready. Unfortunately, the only other option was that asshole Drew Stanton.

Now I can't stand Drew Stanton. I think he's a wormy little prick. He looks like a date rapist, or like someone who gets too drunk and ends up getting a little too friendly with one of his frat brothers only to overcompensate for it the next morning by beating up some poor gay dude. I know I'm in the minority here among Lions fans who see Stanton as the plucky hometown underdog who can ignite the Lions with his scrappiness and heart and all that other bullshit that just means you're not good enough. I know everyone wants him to succeed, and maybe I will warm up to him later, but for now his being in the conversation at quarterback just depresses me. Of course, aside from my personal disdain(and okay I will admit it, my irrational disdain, but that is half the fun of being a sports fan, loving and hating rich dudes for no reason at all), there is also the fact that when he came in for Culpepper in the fourth quarter Stanton was not exactly a steadying influence. The dude was sacked five times and he looked like he was hyperventilating in the huddle. Not exactly inspiring.

But even if all the issues at quarterback were worked out and the Lions somehow were able to put someone out there who was on his way to Honolulu the team still would have lost because the defense...oh God the defense. The Jaguars were able to roll off one long, time consuming drive after another, just picking apart the Lions defense like it was some high school team they were scrimmaging against. Both Maurice Jones-Drew-Jones-Drew-Drew-Jones-Whatever and 400 year old Fred Taylor were able to run at will on the Lions shitty front seven and David Garrard was able to sit back and make plays like he was playing catch in the backyard. It was embarrassing and unfathomable how bad the defense looked. I mean, my God, you would think that they would have at least gotten lucky a couple of times, but no, they just flailed about like retards being taught the game for the first time, and the Jags rolled up 38 points in what was essentially three quarters. Had Jack Del Rio not taken pity on the Lions Jacksonville would have hit 50. It was that bad.

And so, where do we go from here? It is past the point of discussion about whether or not these assholes are horrible or not. They are and everyone knows it. Unfortunately the Lions won't even be able to suffer the rest of this apocalypse in relative anonymity, because with each game that they lose they will get more and more attention, and more and more pre-game shows will involve segments with a million jackasses crowing about the Lions being the first team ever to finish 0-16. We have been here before, in year one of the Millen era, and that was just horrible to sit through. If you'll remember that all culminated with Johnny Morton getting all bitchy and telling Jay Leno to kiss his ass on national television after the Lions finally won a game. That was just embarrassing and here we are, not even a decade later and it will only be worse this time. There are roughly a million shitty analysts now working for the networks, and each one of them is going to be falling all over themselves and each other to be able to make the shittiest joke about how bad the Lions are and all of them are going to have their dumbass opinions and blah, blah, blah, blah. It will be horrible and it will happen because the Lions aren't beating anybody. They just aren't. They gave it their best shot the last few weeks, couldn't get it done, and then the bottom fell out completely against Jacksonville. So far this season has been ugly and absurd. The next seven weeks are going to make that look like a Sunday picnic in the park. Shit's about to get dumb.