So far, the Lions draft has generally inspired one of two reactions, either the OH GOD NO, MORE OF THE SAME, WHAT WERE THEY THINKING reaction or the I'M HAPPY, THEY GOT THE BEST PLAYER IN THE DRAFT AT THREE DIFFERENT POSITIONS AND DRAFTED THE MOST TALENTED GUY INSTEAD OF REACHING BASED ON NEED reaction. That's a lot of caps. I'm sorry.
So, where do I stand on all this? Actually, somewhere in between. I know that's disappointing, as I'm sure everyone reading this expected me to howl at the moon and start speaking in tongues but please, I am a reasonable man.
I'm going to do a separate post wherein I break down each pick, see how it helps, how it maybe could have been better and all that jazz. It will be fun, and there will be lots of inappropriate jokes and the occasional Nazi reference.
So this is basically just a broad overview of what went on. The Lions did seem to cling to the philosophy of taking talent over need, which makes sense because really, let's face it, this is a team whose needs can safely be categorized as, well, everything. I think a lot of people will agree with that strategy, but I think most people are puzzled because the Lions didn't pick the guys who they, the fans, thought were the most talented. I mean, the Lions could have had the following: 1.1 Matt Stafford(they were going to do this, no use bitching about it), 1.20 Michael Oher, 2.1 Rey Maualuga. That would have been a mock draft devotee's wet dream.
But here's the thing. Just because a player is beloved in mock draft circles doesn't mean that NFL scouts and execs feel the same way about him. Maualuga clearly fell for a reason. Perhaps it's a stupid reason, but it's a reason nonetheless. I don't know what it is, and frankly it's not that important. Just because Todd McShay might be attempting to fellate himself whenever a picture of the dude comes on his TV or a player inspires Mel Kiper to play the ol' slide trombone doesn't mean that the same player is the one who makes a real life football exec yearn for a Return to Narnia. (Yeah, I'm just making up euphemisms for masturbation now. Try it, it's fun. You can make anything sound dirty.)
And yet . . . and yet, there were some needs which were obvious and pressing. The Lions don't have a middle linebacker. I mean, they have NO ONE. And yet, they passed on Maualaga and James Laurinaitis.(Good thing about this: I no longer have to repeatedly attempt to spell those names correctly without looking to make sure I got them right.) And as much as that will make things easier for me, it left me scratching my head when the Lions drafted DeAndre Levy, an undersized outside linebacker, apparently with the intention of moving him to the middle. Okay, fine, they liked the guy. But isn't this what they kinda just did with Jordan Dizon? They needed a thumper in the middle and they really didn't get one. But, expecting to fill all your holes through the draft is kind of dumb, especially when you have as many as the Lions. And maybe they have a plan for the middle that we don't know about. Damn it, I want to believe.
I am just sort of rambling here, thinking out loud, that sort of thing, but fuck it, what's the point of a blog if you can't gibber on like an idiot every once in a while? Anyway, I'm not ready to rush Ford Field like so many others seem to be. Much of that is probably just instinct by this point. Every time the Lions do something it must be wrong. It is a self preservation thing. Anyone they took would have been second guessed and torn apart simply because the Lions decided to draft him. I mean, if the Lions picked him, what's wrong with him, har har har, that sort of thing. Still, that's kind of dumb, and it takes away that whole hope thing that I mentioned being so important while the season was barreling off its tracks. At some point, you do have to say "Okay, let's give it a shot," take a deep breath and actually believe that someone over there will get it right. Especially now. As Lions fans, we get so few opportunities to really be optimistic, to think that the guys in charge might even know what they're doing. In a couple of years, sure, I'll be the first one talking about Death Valley and Bataan Death Marches and comparing the coaches and front office dudes to Nazis and Grendel and all that nonsense. But, for now, damn it all, I want to believe that it will get better.
The thing is, if I am being 100% honest here, I'm not sure whether this draft helped or hurt that belief. My initial instinct was that it hurt it, but that's because I probably fell prey to the whole OH MY GOD MAUALAGA GRAB HIM GRAB HIM NO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING thing. But, hell, they got a few starters out of the deal, a few guys who will help immensely on special teams and a potential diamond in the rough at defensive tackle. One thing those infernal draft reviews showed was that you never know how any of this bullshit is going to turn out. Not even after a year or two. Four, five seasons down the road we'll be able to say how this thing panned out. Until then, fuck, we're all just dumb assholes screaming into the night.
The upshot of all this gibberish? I don't know. I'm still not sure whether this draft is good or bad. We'll see. I know that sounds like a copout, especially coming from me, but fuck it, I don't care. How about some more masturbation euphemisms? Playing Ball, Attacking Castle Greyskull, Foraging for Berries, Wrestling the Bear . . . it's like madlibs, just pick some words and go nuts. I mean, Playing Madlibs, sure, why not? "Honey? Honey?" "Just a minute, I'm Playing Madlibs." "Again?"
Okay, I wanted to talk about the draft and ended up discussing euphemisms for jacking off. This all got very weird but at some point I think I just ended up amusing myself and I apologize. I would like to say that the player profiles will be different, more serious affairs, but, well, you should know better by now.
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