Tuesday, March 20, 2018

The Mystery of the Cave Bears


Recently, an odd scene was discovered in a cave in northern Illinois: an entire family of bears slaughtered. Nobody has been able to explain what happened, if the bears were the victims of some sort of super-predator new to the area, or if they had been involved in some sort of feud with a neighboring clan of bears, or even if they were the victims of some strange ritual. The bears appeared to have been killed via bite marks and one bear, a large black bear presumed to be the father bear, had simply been strangled to death, although some experts claim that he was not strangled at all but subdued by what’s known as a “blood choke.”

Naturally, this would indicate a sort of intelligence unknown to the animal world. Perhaps a dolphin could possess the intelligence, but not the manual dexterity to perform such a maneuver, and besides, what would a dolphin be doing in a cave in northern Illinois? Don’t be ridiculous, man. Still, this new evidence has just made the picture all the stranger for investigators and fans of the macabre alike. At some point, it would appear, a human being entered the cave and choked out a large black bear.

Naturally, this seemed absurd, but local legends tell of a supernatural being that has appeared occasionally through the years, a sort of mythic archetype dismissed by most reputable experts as little more than a deranged fantasy, or perhaps a collective yearning for a sort of superman capable of weathering the withering horrors of every day existence to say nothing of the surreal horrors of these strange and terrible times. The tales are whispered, never spoken of in anything louder than hushed tones, as much from fear of the fragility inherent in such an idea, the fear that it could be lost if introduced to the poisons of mainstream society, as it is the fear that the speaker will be roundly mocked by his fellows. But every once in a while, a single name, a name that is more an idea than anything else, can be heard in the whispers and sighs of the wind: The Great Willie Young.

And that brings us to the curious case of an abandoned shack found in the woods only a couple of miles from the cave where the slaughtered bears were found. The shack was decrepit, little more than walls and a tin roof. On the inside of these walls were shocking drawings, lurid depictions of sex acts too depraved to repeat here. There was also an old rag, which experts have discovered retained what they termed “near-lethal amounts of ether.” Underneath this rag was found a dusty and cracked book. It is impossible to tell who wrote it or how old it is because many of the pages are missing and those that remain are, frankly, disgusting, half burned and half covered in what might be semen. All that remains are a collection of wild ravings and rantings, fragments of a clearly diseased mind likened to “a sicker Unabomber”, but occasionally moments of lucidity peek through the chaos, and intriguingly, these are rife with references to what may be The Great Willie Young. And now, for the first time, some of these passages are published here. Reader discretion is advised.



“He said that he awoke, as if from a fever dream, and found himself trapped beneath the bulk of one of those beasts. He did not know what to do, and so for a period of several weeks he forced himself to live with the creatures. He lay with one, somewhat comelier than the rest, and he said that it “could suck start a jet engine.” I asked him how this was even possible given the sharp teeth involved, and he just said “Baby, when you been around as long as I have, you develop a thick skin and I don’t mind admitting it, after a while you need something with some teeth to it to even feel anything. You dig?” I’m not sure that I did, but this “fever dream” he described, this sort of isolation of the mind, its wretched madness, reminded me of my own self-imposed isolation, the desolation of my soul. I asked him how he escaped from it, and he just shrugged and said “Even the sharpest teeth get dull after a while.” I did not know what he meant, and I doubt that I ever will . . .”



A further passage seems to indicate that at some point, the hermit’s friend or guest or whoever he was, had explained further.



“He said “baby, it ain’t natural for a man to live with bears so long like that. You wake up one day and you realize you ain’t a man no more. You somethin’ else.” He shuddered when he said it, and I thought of the new scars his body held. It had clearly been a fierce fight, but all I know is that he had somehow escaped.”



Another passage seems to devolve into madness, but there may be moments that hint at a deeper truth. But maybe not. This dude was clearly pretty fucked up.



“Willie says he doesn’t know if he can go back. “Go back where?” I asked him, and he just shook his head and said “You know. You know, baby.” Something about this chilled my soul, or what’s left of it, and after some time spent passing the ether rag back and forth, I had the courage to ask him. “You mean living with the lions, don’t you?” I could barely do more than whisper it. Willie just shook his head again. “I can’t say,” he said. “That ain’t for me to tell. A man lives so long, he lives the same life over and over again. But sometimes, a man gotta break free of the cycle, has to find a new way.” I felt I understood and, frankly, I achieved a measure of validation in his words. I huffed the ether rag and asked Eugene what he thought and Eugene just said “What the fuck are you asking me for? I’m only a squirrel.” It seemed as if days passed and then Willie turned to me and he said something I’ll never forget: “But that don’t mean a man is finished if he ain’t finished. A wise man knows the difference. And if it’s time to go back, you gotta go, baby. Ain’t no good living inside your own head, making up gibberish and hiding from a world that ain’t done with you. ‘Cause that world’s still gonna be there when you come back, and baby, one way or another, everyone always come back. That’s what happens when you ain’t finished. You finish it or the world makes you finish it.” I wept and told him I understood. Eugene called me a pussy, but Willie scolded him and told him “Nothin’ more powerful than a pussy, Eugene.”



After that, what survives is little more than psychotic drivel, the ravings of a lunatic. But there have been reports, whispers really, that a being simply termed “TGWY” has been seen in the wilds of Michigan, near the Detroit area. Interestingly, and perhaps coincidentally, sales of ether have also spiked in the area and graffiti speaking of “The Fear,” and “Failure Demons” have begun appearing on overpasses and on the sides of buildings. One piece of graffiti appears to be a crudely drawn image of a large man fitting the description of The Great Willie Young in sexual congress with a bear. Next to it is the corpse of the bear, a squirrel that appears to be masturbating with a human penis, and finally, these words scrolled in an elaborate script next to the scene, what appears to be semen and blood dripping from each letter: I’M BACK.

May God help us all.


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