This Post is Pretty Bad. No, Seriously, it's a Pointless, Rambling Mess, but What the Hell, We're All Friends Here, Right?

Insert allegedly witty caption here.

I'm working on the review of the defensive backs and that will go up sometime in the next several days. I would count on it for sometime this weekend, but don't hold me to that shit. I am busy as hell right now, and, well, it is the offseason and sometimes this shit slides. Anyway, it will be a billion words and a billion tasteless comments and blah blah blah, you know what to expect by now.

In the meantime, I thought I'd just throw something up here concerning the goings on as of late. Of course, this offseason has thus far been dreadfully boring, unlike last year when the grim reaper was flitting around Ford Field, striking down the stupid and the useless. This year, nothing much has happened, and, well . . . that's why the only shit you've really gotten from me - one Calvin Johnson anti-trade rant aside - is the infernal position reviews. Thank God they're almost over, but I suppose that means that I will have to start generating some actual content. Well, I guess I don't have to, you know, but I am a fool and I am bullheaded and prideful, even over something as stupid and pointless as all this gibberish and I know that there are at least a few people who like it when I yammer on about football so I will come up with something.

So. Anyway. Yeah. Right now. What's going on? Well, in the larger sense, nothing. And that's a problem, because I kinda like focusing on the big picture while letting other dudes handle the minutiae, the roster moves, etc. I figure info is all over the place, and I like focusing more on the overall arc of the story that is the experience of being a Lions fan. I like contextualizing things and basically being the strange jackass you have come to expect. That's sort of a problem, though, as I said, when nothing is really going on, and I don't want to write a bunch of bullshit every week about hope and despair and all that jazz, because we have been down that road too many damn times already together. That story has been written, and if we continue to dive back into it, we'll just end up wallowing in the horrors of the past and that shit can get old. It doesn't mean that I won't hit those themes again, but I just don't want to have to start writing whole posts about them again, you know?

Unfortunately, in lieu of that I have to come up with actual shit to write about, and as you can see from the incredible procrastination that's already gone on in this post - this ugly, almost stream of consciousness post that we will all just agree to forget as soon as it is done - there isn't that much to talk about. However, since I am a warrior of light, and because I love you, I will find a way.

I guess the biggest thing going on right now is the story that the Lions are apparently looking to trade down out of the number two slot in the draft. I like the idea. The Lions need so much help still at so many different places that swapping one tip-top pick for one high pick and another quality pick(I am just assuming here, the deal could end up significantly worse, or better I suppose)is a good move that should help the team. I mean, yeah, I would love it if the Lions were able to grab Ndamukong Suh, but the Rams will grab him with the first overall pick. Of course, Gerald McCoy is another defensive tackle and he's probably the pick if we stay at two and, hell, Sammie Lee Hill or not, we still need a lot of help at defensive tackle. The only problem is, is that neither Suh nor McCoy fit exactly what Jim Schwartz looks for in a defensive tackle - at least physically, anyway. I mean, awesome is awesome, so it would be foolish to pass on Suh or McCoy just because they don't fit the exact picture in your head that you have of a defensive tackle. But, if you're not 100%, why not look around and see if you can't get two players for the price of one?

And really, that's the other part of this story. The Lions already have a shitload of money tied up in last year's number one, Matthew Stafford, and the second overall pick is going to command a ton of money too. So, basically, the Lions can have Suh or McCoy(probably McCoy) for a ton of money. Hey, if that happens, okay, cool, I'm fine with that. The defensive line should be much improved by that move. But, the Lions could also trade down and grab an Eric Berry or a Rolando McClain or a Joe Haden and then snatch a running back or a wide receiver, or really anyone that can help with the extra pick. Assuming that it is a relatively decent pick and that the Lions aren't going to trade down just to get an extra fifth or sixth rounder, that could mean that we could get two potential starters. I mean, even if it's an extra third rounder, that could mean grabbing this year's DeAndre Levy along with a Berry or Haden, and shit, that sounds pretty agreeable to me.

Aside from that, not a whole lot is going on. Jared DeVries was released days before a roster bonus was due. The only reason this is really news is because DeVries has been with the team for over a decade, which is kind of telling when you think about it. I mean, DeVries is by all accounts a solid dude, but he's basically little more than a fringe player in the NFL, a barely adequate backup, and he's managed to stick with one team for longer than some Hall of Famers do. That's kind of unbelievable and really speaks to the toilet bowl of oblivion that has been Lions football since St. Barry floated out of town on a river of tears.

It probably didn't help DeVries any that he ruptured his Achilles prior to last season, which is a terrible injury that's really, really tough to come back from. Just ask the actual Achilles. That poor Greek bastard, killed by a dude named Paris. How tragic. Okay, tortured Iliad references aside(seriously, poor Homer's spirit probably just went wild down in Hades, all scaring the shit out of poor Tantalus and bothering Persephone. Terrible. Just terrible. I apologize.), the Achilles injury means that DeVries is probably done, and perhaps more tellingly, his release seems to indicate that the Lions feel a little better about their depth at the position. I mean, going into the season last year, DeVries was the de facto starter at his defensive end position. The fact that the Lions feel comfortable in dropping him in February is, while sad from a human interest standpoint, a good sign that things are moving in the right direction.

Like I said, there's not a whole lot going on aside from those stories. Oh, The Lions did sign Ashlee Palmer, a linebacker who was waived by Buffalo, so there is that I guess. Aside from being a dude named Ashlee, he seems like a decent pickup, a depth player who was an undrafted free agent that managed to stick with the Bills all of last year and actually saw some decent playing time, picking up 29 tackles. He should be a decent dude to have around as a backup and should help to make the kick coverage units a strength rather than the pit of despair they've been for so long.

Uh, other than that, there really isn't anything else to talk about. Like I said, the DB review will be up sooner rather than later, so look for that, and hey, I'm sorry that this post has been such a rambling mess, but these are strange and terrible times, and these things happen. Now let us never speak of it again. Thank you and vaya con dios, friends. Vaya con dios.