Coming into the season, the defense as a whole looked like a desolate wasteland. It wouldn't have surprised me to see Mad Max show up in the middle of a game and get chased around by a bunch of mutant biker freaks or rumble with Tina Turner. It was a post-apocalyptic nightmare and the only sure thing in this terrible world was death and plenty of it. Fortunately in this desert of despair, there was a tiny oasis, something that we could cling to until help came along and rescued us from our torment. Indeed, the linebackers for the Detroit Lions actually seemed to represent a real live link to the world of the functional and happy.
It was a bizarre feeling, especially coming off of the Year of Unnumbered Tears, a year in which our linebackers flailed about uselessly while they were murdered under the harsh sun of that horrible desert by . . . uh, camel hunters, I guess. Okay, I will stop with the dumb desert metaphor. The point is, is that we actually seemed to have a decent group of linebackers for a change, which was odd because, well . . . have you
seen this team in the last decade?
Of course, this wasn't some grand blossoming of long dormant talent. Not really, anyway. Instead, this was a case of the Lions importing a couple of mercenaries in the hope that they could stem the ugly tide of blood and bile and tears which had washed ashore and left everyone rocking back and forth like a group of tortured autistics. Yes, it's easy to despair when your collective fanbase has turned into Dustin Hoffman in
Rainman minus the talent for numbers, but it's easy to embrace even the faintest signs of hope too. Desperation breeds that kind of strange hope, that kind that sees veteran castoffs, dudes deemed unwanted by their former teams, as knights in diamond armor.
And so it was when the Lions traded for Julian Peterson, the former Pro Bowl linebacker for the Seahawks, and signed Larry Foote, who had won a Super Bowl as a starting inside linebacker for the Steelers. It was easy to see those accolades and get caught up in them, easy to see these two veteran ass kickers as the men who would somehow, someway, keep the rest of the defense together. They were real players, real talents, and we were lucky - damn lucky - to have them.
Of course, the whole time our brains were telling us all that, they were also furiously screaming that there was a reason why they were in town suiting up for our gang of sadness instead of slaying dragons and boning hot chicks in their glorious castles of yore(I'll just stop this weird bullshit before it really gets a chance to start. I'm sorry it went this far.) It was a perfect example of the strange duality of the brain of a Lions fan, that torturous and awful and muddled gray world where hope and despair live right next door to one another. Sometimes, hope whips his neighbors ass and sometimes despair sprays hope in the face with a garden hose filled with acid and then runs over his dog. It's the world we live in.
I mean, sure, Julian Peterson was a bona fide star, a dude who had been to numerous Pro-Bowls, had been maybe the best defensive player on a team that went to the Super Bowl a few years ago, and was destined to be fondly remembered as one of the best linebackers of his generation. That's all well and good, but there's a reason he was on his way to Detroit rather than in camp with Seattle. He was getting older and he cost too damn much. While those two factors may not be all that damning on their own, what made me pause a bit was the fact that the Seahawks were all too willing to cast Peterson aside in exchange for . . .
Cory Redding??? Indeed. Cory Redding. Like Peterson, Redding made too much money. Unlike Peterson, Redding was a pretty shitty football player. The fact that the Seahawks would have rather had Redding than Peterson kind of made me a little uneasy, you know?
And then there's Foote. While it was true that Foote had been a stalwart on the Steelers championship level defense, the reality is was that he was never really a dude who made the defense that good, you know? He was always just kind of there, surrounded by dudes like Joey Porter and Troy Polamalu and James Harrison and Lamarr Woodley, and . . . well, you get the point. In fact, he had lost his starting job with the Steelers. He was a good player, no doubt, and certainly better than the feeble gang of fools who had been thrown onto the field by the Lions idiot coaches. But he wasn't the elite player that so many of us desperately tried to make him out to be. He was a stopgap, we understood, but we hoped that somehow he would dominate just by virtue of being a former Steeler. And the entire time that we ran with that hope, grim reality chased us through the tortured halls of our brain, threatening to catch us and hope and pummel us into submission.
But even if Peterson and Foote were not so much glorious knights ready to save our shitty kingdom but old dudes in rusty armor, we still had reason to hope. Yes, even amongst the dung heap, while we slowly choked to death on the fumes of decay and failure which surrounded it, there was still a flicker of optimism, a man of the people, a man with his own kingdom, a man with a monkey. Yes, the Lizard King, Cinnabon Sims, or Ernie as his friends no doubt call him, was still in town, and although he had suffered through a disappointing season in 2008(and really, who didn't?), he was still young, he was still athletic as hell and he was a former first round draft pick who had up until then seemed destined for stardom. Plus, he had a bunch of lizards, some birds and a monkey.
Sims had tuned the idiot coaches out during the Year of Unnumbered Tears and just started freelancing all over the damn place, frequently running himself out of position and letting his athleticism compromise both him and the team. But when Jim Schwartz and Gunther Cunningham arrived, they made it clear that Sims' athleticism would be channeled into something destructive and beautiful, a human missile with one clear purpose: seek and destroy. This made us all hopeful, even if, deep down, we were still terrified that Sims was too reckless and would never be the player we all desperately wanted as Lions fans. Again, our savage and cruel duality made us hope even as we braced ourselves for inevitable disappointment.
When the season finally got underway, the defense . . . totally crumbled. It was a terrible sign, that first game, and immediately that part of our brain known as despair began to scream I WAS RIGHT over and over and over again. It was horrible. Of course, the hopeful side of our brain tried to explain to us that it was the world beating Saints offense who just collapsed our skull and then pissed on our corpse and so we shouldn't get too worried, but we finally saw what our defense would look like, and, well, it didn't look so good. Most troubling, at least to me, was that our vaunted linebackers were nowhere to be seen, erased and made utterly inconsequential by the Saints offense. It was a terrible and panic inducing sign, and we all settled in for another year of FUN FUN FUN!
Thankfully, the defense turned out to be not quite that bad. Oh, they were still pretty damn bad, but they were not the soul sucking entity that most of us dreaded. For the first part of the season, Foote emerged as the leader of the defense, the one dude who always seemed like he could make a play when the Lions needed it most. The sight of him slashing into the backfield to haul down a ball carrier was common enough that it is an image that my brain can easily recall. That is a good thing. He played very well at middle linebacker and seemed to hold the world together as best he could. Sure, it would always inevitably collapse or be swallowed up by the sun, but fuck it, at least we were allowed to hope that things would be different for a while before we were blown apart. And much of that was thanks to Foote.
Unfortunately, poor Larry was chased down by the Injury Demon, the Failure Demon's mischievous cousin, and dragged down to hell along with nearly everyone else on the team. As the season went along, Foote became less and less effective, and the defense suffered because of it. But when healthy, he did what we needed him to do, which was hold the line - for a while anyway. He kept us from dying long enough to keep the flame of hope alive and hell, that's about all we could ask for. I'm not sure if Foote will be here to see that flame become a brain melting inferno. He's a free agent, and he already is bitching like a spurned lover because apparently the Lions aren't showing him enough love. That kind of sucks, but everyone should have seen this coming. Foote's a great dude, a good leader, a community champion, a Detroit warrior who actually wants to be here, but he was never the future and we all knew it. I hope he comes back, but at the same time I'm not sure I really want him to be the man in the middle. Perhaps that makes no sense, but we live in a senseless world, and in the land of the lost that is the world of the Detroit Lions, sense is a concept which has no meaning, other than as a cruel and ugly taunt from beyond our borders, reminding us of everything we do not have.
While Foote lived up to his billing - at least for a while anyway - Peterson didn't really do anything. I know that's not really the hard hitting analysis you have come to know and love from me(shut up), but really, there's not much to say, and doesn't that sum things up perfectly? For all his hype, Peterson was mostly invisible on the field. He never really fucked up or anything. He was never a minus, never a liability, but he never really accomplished anything either. I'm having trouble remembering a single impact play from Peterson this season, a moment where I nodded my head and said, yup, that's Julian Peterson, Pro Bowl linebacker. It just never happened. And so while he was never a liability, he never really seemed like an asset either.
Oddly enough, Peterson was named as a Pro Bowl alternate, basically on name value alone, and it says a lot about his season that when this was announced - and let's not forget that this is the only time a Lion has even sniffed the Pro Bowl in the last two seasons - most Lions fans just reacted with confusion and scorn. I mean, none of us thought that Peterson deserved to go to Honolulu. That's not a good sign. When even your own fans react negatively when you are named to the Pro Bowl, chances are pretty damn good that you had a disappointing season.
Ernie Sims, meanwhile, came out and . . . got hurt. Okay, okay, I'll back it up a bit. At the beginning of the season, Sims came out and . . . played like shit. It's true. I know, I hate it too. I throw the name Ernie Sims around more on this blog than I do anyone else. It's because I really, really want him to live up to his considerable potential and because he is The Lizard King and he has a pet monkey. I mean, come on, how could I
not root for this dude? In the land of sadness, you must grab hold of anything joyful and hold onto that fucker for dear life, and that is what I have done with Sims and his menagerie. I want him around - I
need him around - because without him, this shit is just a little less fun, and since I am a Lions fan, I need all the fun I can get. Without Cinnabon(ask
Ty about this particular name), I fear that the already strained line keeping me from falling completely under the thrall of utter depression would finally break and then every blog post I made would be a string of obscenities and lyrics to Smiths songs and pictures of Ian Curtis. It would be awful. (And yeah, yeah, I can already hear you assholes yammering on about how that is what this shit already is. Settle down. All ten of you. Really, I have no idea how many of you there are. Frankly, the idea that anyone is lunatic enough to follow me down this rabbit hole of weird bullshit and strange sadness is vaguely terrifying, but what the hell, we are all of a strange tribe and we must stick together. What's important is that I love you the best. Yes, you, reading this right now. You are my favorite reader.)
But reality is a cruel beast, cold and without mercy, and it refuses to let me wander too far down the path of the delusional. And what it told me, at least at the beginning of the season, was that Ernie Sims was a disappointment and would never be the player I wanted or needed him to be. But before I could be utterly consumed by the sadness of such a terrible realization, Sims was hurt, and this plagued him throughout the season, enough so that hope began to grow that his early season struggles were just a glitch. Indeed, I began to talk myself back into the reign of the Lizard King, and when he did return he finally looked better, like he could be a real difference maker instead of someone who was constantly running helplessly past the ball carrier after blowing yet another assignment. Still, that cold bitch reality refused to let me believe that things had changed and when the season finally came to a merciful end I was left with the depressing realization that maybe Ernie Sims and the Detroit Lions just aren't right for one another. Love does not conquer all, my friends. At least not in this case, and there may be differences between us that are too profound to ever work out. I hope that the Lizard King can find someone who loves him and his monkey the way they deserved to be loved because I am afraid - and terribly saddened - that it may not be us.
The good news hidden in all that weird and awful gibberish is that there is a reason why so many Lions fans see Sims as expendable, and that good news has a name, and that name is DeAndre Levy. Yes, DeAndre Levy, the third round draft pick who we all crucified and bitched about when he was drafted. I'll admit, I thought the dude would be a bust, a not quite athletic enough dude from Wisconsin who was drafted to be converted to the middle linebacker spot from his spot on the outside. Levy was reputed to have fine straight line speed, but the knock on him was that he was too stiff and not athletic enough to be anything more than a backup or special teams standout. Of course, I am an idiot. I can admit this, and in this case, I am glad that it is true.
Levy stepped in for Sims when Sims was injured and was an immediate revelation. He was often the best linebacker - and one of the two best defensive players regardless of position - on the field for the Lions as a rookie last season. Aside from Louis Delmas, Levy was the Lions best defensive playmaker. He showed the ability to get in and stuff the run, and perhaps more importantly, the ability to play in space. He frequently provided fine coverage in the passing game and proved that he was capable of being an every down starting linebacker in the NFL.
When Sims got back on the field, it was just in time to see Larry Foote hobble off of it, and Levy just shrugged and slid over to the middle linebacker spot - his ultimate destination - and he played just as well. It was a great rookie season for Levy, one that made everyone believe that he will be one of the main cogs in the Lions defensive machine as it is built over the next few years. He should be a starter for a long time, and his presence is both the reason why Larry Foote is feeling a little unloved by Lions management and why a lot of fans are offering up Ernie Sims as trade bait.
Like Levy, Jordan Dizon had his share of detractors coming into the season, and again, like with Levy, I was one of them. And again, I am an idiot. Dizon struggled as a rookie, never really seeing the field, unloved and shunned by the idiot coaches. What we should have all seen though was that, well, those were idiot coaches, and so Dizon would basically be starting with a fresh slate. Gunther Cunningham said early on that he liked Dizon and we probably should have all taken our cues from that, but I am used to coach speak and I have come to learn that usually when an unheralded player is getting talked up in camp it's hopeful bravado and nothing more. Thankfully, in Dizon's case, it seems as if Cunningham was telling the truth.
As the season went on and the injuries piled up, Dizon saw more and more playing time and he acquitted himself rather nicely. He wasn't great or anything, but he was good enough, someone who can step in and start and not make you shake with fear. Coming off of his dismal rookie season, that's more than okay. Ideally, I think that Dizon would be a fourth linebacker, a dude who sees a lot of time but isn't really a starter. He's athletic enough but he's kind of small and I can see him being picked on if he is given too much time. I love him as a special teams player and if the Lions build enough depth, I think that Dizon can have a long and productive career as a quasi-starter/special teams stud.
It was kind of a strange season for the linebackers, vaguely disappointing in many ways, but it also provided a lot of hope for the future. Our mercenaries were not necessarily the King Kong Ninjas we wanted them to be, and the Lizard King saw his kingdom come under fire, but our young dudes took a big step forward and gave us hope that when the time comes they can lead our defense out of the desert of the damned and into a world full of sunshine and rainbows. Reality is strange and twisted, rarely all happy or all sad, and this is just the way it is. There is death but there is also birth, and while the present might not be as bright as we had hoped it would be, the future appears to be better than we thought, and, hell, for us, that's something.
WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN FOR THE FUTURE?Well, obviously I am optimistic - perhaps not for the immediate future, but for the long term future. Foote might not be back and that sucks. I don't really want him to start - I wouldn't mind if Levy was given the job - but depth is a good thing, as we all saw this past season. This is a mindset which is foreign to a lot of Lions fans. There seems to be this idea that as long as we solidify the starting jobs, then we should just consider that position settled and move on to the next one. This is foolish. You never want to stop improving at every position, and you want quality players both starting and backing up. I know we are used to seeing dudes wander in from the street and slap on a uniform, and so whenever there is a surplus anywhere we immediately think we should start trading dudes, but believe it or not, having Larry Foote around is a good thing, whether he starts or not.
That also goes for Ernie Sims. While he might not be the kingpin of the defense that we thought he could be, that doesn't mean he still isn't a valuable player to have around. Sure, we have depth. That's a good thing, though, not something to be exploited. It's good that we have five linebackers capable of starting. That doesn't mean we have to ship two of them out and replace them with bums. That's exactly the sort of thing that so often leaves us crying and bewildered on a Sunday afternoon. That doesn't necessarily mean I would be opposed to the Lions trading Sims. But it would have to be the right deal. I just don't think we should aggressively try to unload him simply because we have more than three decent linebackers, you know? There's a crucial difference there. We shouldn't shop Sims but we should listen if other teams ask about him. If we start doing the whole TAKE MY WIFE . . . PLEASE routine with Sims, then we'll probably just end up with a big bag of shit, which while familiar to us as Lions fans, is not something we ever really want to see again. Cool? Cool.
The good news is that the Lions shouldn't have to make a big push in this offseason to bolster the linebacking corps. That doesn't mean that they should ignore it completely though. If there is a dude available in the draft who fits what they want then they should grab him. If there's a young free agent who they think can help, then they should sign him. The biggest mistake they could make is the same one that we could make as fans, and that is to be content with what they have and let each piece leave one by one, robbing us of depth and leaving us naked and hopeless when someone gets hurt or a starter doesn't pan out.
Our linebackers appear to be a strength. We must feed that strength, not feed off of it like a bunch of parasites. We shouldn't weaken it just to make another position group marginally better.
WHAT I SAID BEFORE THE SEASONThere is life here. For the first time in a long time, there is life, and it is strong. The starters are all good to potentially great and the backups look promising and solid. It's a nice situation. Clearly, the new dudes in charge made upgrading the linebackers a serious priority and they appear to have succeeded. The big challenge now is in keeping blockers from overwhelming these guys before they even get a chance to hit the ball carrier. After all, the defensive line has been overrun by Col. Kurtz and the linebackers will have to be absolutely heroic if the defense stands a chance of being even marginally decent. I think there will be games when they make enough plays to give the Lions a real chance to win, and I think there will be games where they are frustratingly taken out of the game due to the line's inability to control the opposing offensive line. Sims should be great if he can get to the ball with regularity, and if he plays in control. Peterson should give the Lions an edge rusher they sorely need and hopefully Foote provides a steady hand in the middle of this potentially apocalyptic defense. The linebackers are our only hope, and if they rise to the enormous challenge, we might be pleasantly surprised. If they are mere mortals, well, we're probably in trouble.
GRADE: A-. This might be slightly generous, but fuck it, Ernie Sims has a monkey.
FINAL GRADE: B-. Unfortunately, the starters were mere mortals, and we were in trouble. However, the young dudes looked better than I expected them to look and the result was a somewhat disappointing season that was still somehow encouraging. As usual, this team just leaves me scratching my head and making a fool of myself, but somewhere in all that gibberish above, I think there is a point, and I think that point is that our hope - or at least mine - was kind of unreasonable, but maybe, just maybe, in the end, we got something better - a real future. Plus, Ernie Sims does indeed have a monkey.
Insert allegedly witty caption here.
